The Top Funny Quotes

  1. I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

    - Woody Allen

  2. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.

    - Gore Vidal

  3. To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems

    - Matt Groening

  4. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

    - Albert Einstein

  5. I can resist anything except temptation.

    - Oscar Wilde

  6. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason

    - Jerry Seinfeld

  7. You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, 'never try

    - Matt Groening

  8. When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it

    - Bernard Bailey

  9. If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

    - Woody Allen

  10. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

    - Oscar Wilde